plel’s blog

ORAS

Sa mga elemento ng buhay, ang oras ang pinakatuso. Kapag hindi mo gusto ang mga nangyayari, para bang ambagal ng oras. Kapag naman masaya ka at gusto mong ieenjoy ang bawat minutong lumilipas, tila napakabilis naman ng takbo nito. Tulad ngayon, kung puwede lang sanang ihinto ang oras para hindi na matapos yung sayang nararamdaman ko, ginawa ko na.

Oo tama ang naisulat ko. Masaya ako ngayon. Nung mawala sya, pakiramdam ko bibihira na lang ang pagkakataon na nakakaramdam ako ng totoong saya. Madalas makikita mo akong nakikipagtawanan sa opisina. Malakas mang-asar, malakas mang trip. Yun lang kasi ang alam kong outlet. Sa pagtawa ko nalalabas ang mga sama ng loob, mga hinanakit, ang lungkot. Buti na lang ibinigay ng Diyos ang mga kaibigan ko. Sila na hindi nang iwan. At hindi nagsawa sa pakikinig sa mga kabaliwan ko sa buhay. Hanggang ngayon. Ngayon kung kelan bumalik na ko sa katinuan. Uhmmm di lang halata siguro.

Bakit ko nga ba nasabi na gusto kong ihinto ang oras? Syempre may kaugnayan yun sa isang taong ngbibigay ng kulay ngayon sa buhay ko. Sana pag nabasa nya to, alam niyang siya yun. Siguro nagsasawa na siya sa kakapasalamat ko sa kanya. Well, sa totoo lang naman kasi, utang ko sa kanya yung ngiting nasa mukha ko ngayon. Siya ang 90% sa mga rason kung bakit bumabangon ako sa umaaga. (kung nagtataka ka kung ano yung 10%, yun eh dahil iihi ako. hehe).

Mahalaga ka sa akin. Sobra. Yun lang ang gusto kong sabihin. Ikaw ang tanging dahilan kong bakit gusto kong ihinto ang oras. Dahil natatakot ako, na bukas o sa susunod na bukas, pag gising ko, wala ka na. Nararamdam ko kasi eh, isang araw magpapaalam ka sakin dahil babalik ka na sa kanya. At hindi kita puwedeng pigilan. Minsan ayoko ng pahirapan sarili ko at hintayin pa ang araw na yun, kaya lang hindi kita kayang iwan. Parang akong may taning na. Kahit alam kong mamamatay na din lang ako, hindi ko na uunahan. Hihintayin ko na lang.

Kaya’t habang nadyan ka pa, hanggat ako pa ang nakikita mo, hindi ko na sasayangin ang mga pagkakataong ibinibigay sakin.

Nakakaiyak ang kanta sa background:

“…How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart? When do I not want you here in my arms? How does one walk away from all of the memories? How do I not miss you when you are gone…?”

So far away on a cold, lonely night
If I could only hear your voice,
the I’d be alright
Tell me that you love me,
Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonely
Tell me you’re alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.

I’d give anything to see your face
Just to share the silence of your eyes
Your love is something no one can replace
While I’m gone I don’t want you to cry
Please don’t cry.

Tell me that you love me,
Tell me you’re okay
Telephones are lonely
It sounds so far away
Tell me that you need me
Tell me it’s alright
I just want to hear your voice
When I lay down tonight.

I’d give anything to taste your kiss
Just to feel your body touching mine
It hurts me to be wanting you like this
So tell me that you love me one more time
One more time…

IF YOU FORGET ME

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Am I trying to hard
To Keep this love alive
You don’t seem to care
About this love that we had
I called you last night
But you were not there
I didn’t here from you at all today

I thought we shared a life that was full of love
But now I realize we shared an empty hope
I will cry my last cry
Before I say bye bye
I will sing my last love song for you tonight

If you will not do anything to have me back, then I will not do anything either. And the moment I make a step, I will see to it that it will be away from you. No more turning back… You’ve always known that I’m not the martyr type. If someone doesn’t want me then the hell do I care. If you don’t want me to be in your life anymore then that’s it. I will not come knocking on your door begging you to stay. Do what you wanna do and do what makes you happy. And I will not try to hold you back anymore. Nor pull you down and crash with me. You deserve to be happy. And I know, it wouldn’t be with me. Or if it’s with me, maybe it’s not now.

What we’ve been through will always be remembered. If the time comes that we realize that we are really meant to be together, well sometimes anything deserves a second chance to make things right.

I love you… Soon I’ll have to deny this. But u will always know the truth.

You say it’s over

I say we’ve just begun

‘Coz it ain’t forever

Until our lives are done

I know I did some things

That I never should

I’d undo them if I could

I’d turn my life around for you

Anything you’d ask me to…..

Just tell me…

 
What must I do to make you want to
stay

And take the hurt away

And leave it all to yesterday?

What can I say to make you change
your mind?

To have the chance to turn the hands
of time

Back to the days when you were mine?

Just give one more chance for one
last time.

I won’t deny it

I know that I’ve done wrong

But you have to admit it

This love is just too strong

To just fade away into the night

Without putting up a fight

We can make it all alright

If we just give it on more try….

So….

 
And what can i say to make you change
your mind

To have the chance to turn the hands
of time

Back to the days when you were mine?

Just give one more chance for one
last time.

Just one more kiss to last a lifetime

One more chance for one last time.

Even now, when there’s someone else who cares

When there’s someone home who’s waiting just for me

Even now I think about you as I’m climbing up the stairs

And I wonder what to do so he won’t see

That even now when I know it wasn’t right

And I found a better life than what we had

Even now I wake up crying in the middle of the night

And I can’t believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far

I wonder where you are

I wonder why it’s still so hard without you

Even now when I come shining through

I swear I think of you

And how I wish you knew

Even now

Even now when I never hear your name

And the world has changed so much since you’ve been gone

Even now I still remember and the feeling’s still the same

And this pain inside me goes on and on

I’m like a piece of thrash floating in a river

I don’t have the will to choose where I wanna go

I just let the current take me

move me away

make me hopeless

and helpless

And you?

You are a boat floating but with will and direction

You have the capacity to save me,

to keep me

and to let me stay with you wherever you are going

But you can’t do that.

you can’t.

and you won’t.

because you’re just too far.

Too far to see me.

Too strong to feel me needing you.

To proud to look down and pick me up.

And so we continue our own separate journeys

Maybe we’re heading to the same place

And I would be happy to see you there

Hoping by that time you’ve changed

That you would look at me in a different way

That you would embrace the way I am

Or it could be the ocean that we’re heading to

In the place where the sky meets the sea

That’s where I’ll see you again

And the dream

Of you looking at me while I look at you

of you needing me the way I need you

and of you loving me more than I love you

will slowly sink or

forever float with me.

The other night you gave me reasons

Why you felt nothing for me.

We struggled with words and wrestled with
emotions

As if doing so would illuminate the
darkness around us.

So why waste words and frustrating
thoughts?

Why repeat what we already know and bring
up what we don’t want to?

I apologize for putting you through all
that.

The only thing I want you to know is that
there’s no need to explain.

So there’s no need to explain
What it is I have

Or don’t have

That keeps me out of your heart.

If I don’t have what it takes, there’s no
point in faking it

Because you should only fall for the real
me.

If I find out it’s something I have that
I haven’t expressed

Then you should discover it without
having to demand.

There’s no need to explain
Why you fall for these beautiful, confident and heavenly women.

Why even those who don’t last in your
affections

Have had more time there than I ever had.

I don’t want to be like them nor compare
myself to them.

They are drawn to you, but never fully
appreciate what they experience.

I may be less confident, but it’s because
I’m nervous about screwing up

My once in a lifetime chance to be with
the greatest man alive.

But I shall keep up and surpass them, as
best I can.

Becoming a better woman due to pure
inspiration rather than to complaints.

And even if you find someone better than
me

If she is the better woman it’ll be OK
because you deserve the best.

I see no need to explain

Why you should give me a chance,

Why you should feel something for me or
why I am worth trusting,

What I’m going to do to make you feel the
magic you long for.

I should just

Show you that I am worth a chance,

Sweep you off your feet, be trustworthy
and never leave.

And if I am unable to do so then I should
just accept that it isn’t meant to be.

I will just enjoy

Being able to talk to you for hours till
our throats go dry

Blending in harmony and watching shows

Or simply sitting in the dark gazing at
you by the lights of the city.

I just enjoy whatever time you give to
me.

Whatever fun we have I seal in my heart.

I don’t care why you spend any time with
me

I just care that you do.

And if ever the day comes

That you finally see that no one else
wants the job of making you happy more than I do,

That you finally feel the magic and that
yearning

That you feel that being with me is worth
all the risks

Even though I’ll be confounded, confused
and even curious

About this sudden change of heart

Just come to me and let me hold you

And there’ll be no need to explain.

It must have been so
hard to love me

When I have this
temper tantrums

You shoud’ve ignored
me but you didn’t

And was I not a pain
in the ass when I insist the things I wanted

But you were there

Willingly giving up
your opinions for me

And how do you do
that?

Swallowing you pride
for me

And I remember, was
it not so painful

When I tried to go
back to a previous lover?

I know it was, I felt
it was

But you never went
away

You waited

patiently 

And because of those
sacrifices, you got me

In your arms I felt a
seemingly endless happiness

It was almost heaven

It must have been so
hard to love me

But it was harder for
you to keep me

It would be harder if
I stay

So no matter how hard
it would be

I ask you

Hate me and let me go

So you can finally
see what’s good for you